Sunday, October 07, 2007

The Bakers

My family taught me some things that as I head into the second half of my life I learn are not true. I'm learning to recognise them and am trying to shed them.
1)Men have a better life
If you can't get anywhere in life it's not because your an alcoholic, defensive, thin skinned, anti social, or unreliable and bitter, it's because your a woman.This got translated into being female is to be weak. But I realize now that it's not. I actually like being a girl and have decided to start acknowledging my feminine side. Wearing clothes that actually make me look like a woman, Flirting because it's OK to be friendly. I don't drink or smoke, I try not to be defensive and try to be reliable. I like people Most of the time and try to let go of the past as much as I know how.
2) Emotionless -ness is a strength
Nope Just makes you get drunk a lot and express them, or smoke, do drugs or ignore those who love you. It makes you seem cold and heartless. It leaves your children not knowing how to express love, or worse how to recognize and accept it. Even now it's hard for me to accept the affection of my husband because of this and the following rules. It's also hard to give it to him or ask for it when I need it.
3) Sex=love
Yeah, need I say how many times this has bitten me?
4) They're only nice to you cause they want something from you
Yeah so now we're suspicious of anyone who's nice and trusting of any one who treats us like shit.
5) Men are worthless, only useful for making babies. Women Don't Need Men and should value Independence over everything else.
Men are not worthless though there are a lot that are to me. That's OK, there is someone for them or an event coming to them that will set them right. No one is perfect and gas is perfectly natural. Women don't need men, but we want them and that's why we have them in our lives.

Both my mother and grandmother were single mothers. Men came in and out of our lives and very few managed to stay. My grandmother had one great love and it wasn't her husband. She found him around 25-30 years old. My mother had 3 children by 3 fathers but found her great love at her late 20's early 30's as well.

I don't want to follow their path. I want a man who will stay, and I don't want to be such a shrew that I drive him away.(Neither will I give up my self, but there is room in my life for anothers' ways, ideas, and opinions. I don't have to agree with them, but that does not make them less valid.) I want to be able to give and receive love freely with out always wondering what do they want and will they think I am weak. I want to be happy being a pretty woman and wearing skirts, and flattering clothing without wondering if I'm inviting someone to take advantage of me or just not take me seriously.(I find I really like mid calf length swingy skirts. You know the kind that flare out if you twirl?) I don't want to constantly fight anymore between what I feel and need and what my family has taught me.

Is your head above water still? Good. Cause I'm learning to swim as I go.


Blogger dragon knitter said...

it took this marriage (#3) to realize the best way to deal with a man is to be myself. not mold myself to fit his ideals. at this age (oy), if i don't fit your ideal, too bad. love me for me, and not what you think i should be. if i change, it's because i want to, and not just because you want me to.

and that goes for men as well. mark has quit smoking, and has cut way back on his drinking, and while i did desire those things, i knew that he would have to want it. i did tell him what i wanted, but i let him make that decision. makes for a more comfortable relationship

10/07/2007 6:58 PM  

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